


When Darkness was the Price of Light, we weren’t Afraid

by yoonseh



Series: Learning Curve [1]
Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: M/M, and im sappy, and snowing, its christmas - Freeform, the first part in a very soft 2 part get together anniversary fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 06:46:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17116415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonseh/pseuds/yoonseh
Summary: Part 1 of 2 of Learning Curve.  When the night sky looked like it was blooming patches of stars and the darkness seemed to stretch on for an infinity, it was then that they found each other, again and again. There was something about how the trees seemed vulnerable with their bare branches, leaves left for the winter like the opposite of a friend abroad, gone for the winter but growing toward you in the summer.Sehyoon and Byeongkwan finally confess when the air is cold and snow falls like stars to the ground.





	When Darkness was the Price of Light, we weren’t Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> This is a 2 parter. Part 1 exploring Sehyoon and Byeongkwan getting together and their first kiss and Part 2 celebrating their first anniversary. A very soft collection. Enjoy!

 

 

 

**Learning Curve**

____________________________________________________________________________

 

_ Part 1: When Darkness was the Price of Light, we weren’t Afraid _

  
  


When the night sky looked like it was blooming patches of stars and the darkness seemed to stretch on for an infinity, it was then that they found each other, again and again. There was something about how the trees seemed vulnerable with their bare branches, leaves left for the winter like the opposite of a friend abroad, gone for the winter but growing toward you in the summer. 

 

Something about the ground crunching beneath boots, the sound felt through thick soles. Somehow the air smelled like a new horizon, like the sky got a new beginning. The wind whispering; let’s start again, let’s throw out our arms into the night and wish on every snowflake that hits our tongue. 

 

To Sehyoon, the cold felt like a fresh breeze, it was biting at his skin and causing cracks in his lips and hands, but it made him shiver out thoughts and it tried to help him understand how winter was a place for us to reflect and try find love in the coldest of seasons. 

 

To Sehyoon, winter was the opposite of depressing and bitter, it brought white light in the darkness and red noses above smiling faces, chattering teeth that couldn’t hold in their laughter. To Sehyoon, it was a time to possibly risk, but it also caused his bones to stiffen and his heart to worry. He was a contradiction of reflection, knowing what the risk was but not knowing who should take it. 

 

He knew there was someone inside the dorm, someone who had asked him months ago if love was worth the risk, but even though he was on the other end, it didn’t feel like his place. He knew what he wanted, he knew the risk, was willing to crash down and obliterate anything in his path. He loved his life, his dream, but that was the thing.

 

Dreams changed. 

 

His was inside the dorm, bundled up in winter coats, fuzzy socks and a mass of blankets, drinking hot cocoa in the kitchen with their best friends. He could hear the soft tinkling of laughter from right inside, the kitchen being feet from the door. Their tiny backyard a perfect place to stare up at the sky and reflect on past conversations.

 

Another thing Sehyoon knew about winter was it was so quiet. He felt the connection between wanting to hide underneath a blanket, the ground underneath the snow and to only whisper with the wind. His voice, like the silent trees, didn’t want to disturb the atmosphere, but preferred to watch and examine the beauty around him. 

 

He was outside, thinking, because it had been over a month since him and Byeongkwan had their almost confession in his bedroom. Sehyoon was struggling to wait longer. Every time he was with Byeongkwan, which was all the time, he had the urge to kiss him and hold him. The thing was he could, hold him at least, because Byeongkwan was big on physical contact, especially from Sehyoon. Sehyoon would back hug him or put an arm around his shoulder and Byeongkwan would look up to him, eyes showing off the happiness he was feeling at the simple touch. 

 

He didn’t always believe these things, the beauty of winter, pulling yourself out of darkness was hard, but once he did he saw it for what it truly was. An introvert of contradictions and soft surfaces and harsh winds, destroying weak things on accident but helping others to strive. 

 

____________________________________________________________________________

 

_ He felt like for once he wasn’t destroying something, only bringing in a new beginning. He had made sure to be positive and obvious that night a couple months ago when Byeongkwan had come into the room he shared with Donghun and sat down beside him on the bed.  _

 

_ Sehyoon had felt oddly relaxed even though he could feel nervousness seeping from Byeongkwan, the normally extroverted man, oddly tense. He knew Byeongkwan, knew he was about to turn the scale on their relationship. He used to think he would be a wreck, but all he knew was that he loved him and whatever was asked, he would gladly answer with a resounding please.  _

 

_ Please let me love you, please let me care for and cherish you, please let me have every part of you until we’re mere dust in the air, floating out toward space.  _

 

_ These thoughts were running through Sehyoon’s head as he waited Byeongkwan out, knowing that he needed a minute, needed to gather his thoughts. He was being so brave coming in here. Sehyoon wasn’t sure what he expected, he just knew that they needed to talk. They needed to talk about the tension seeping through every pore, the way they would both grow goosebumps in each other’s presence.  _

 

_ Sehyoon could feel his heat, could hear his breathing, a heavy in and out like he was gearing up to either tell his deepest secrets or get up to sprint out of the room and never look at Sehyoon again. He wouldn’t let that happen, would gently grab Byeongkwan’s wrist and confess himself. _

 

_ They needed to move forward. _

 

_ Sehyoon couldn’t believe he was the one that was ready for this, normally the one to follow the lead, but he had waited so long for someone like Byeongkwan. Not just for someone to love, but someone who helped tear down every wall he had built, someone who showed him how to live. Byeongkwan always said that Sehyoon was the one who knew how to live, no, Sehyoon knew how to stop time. Byeongkwan knew how to make it spin around them with lights and music, with happiness that never ran out. _

 

_ Byeongkwan was like an hourglass. You thought you only had so much time, but then he would just flip it over and keep going. Sehyoon was mesmerized by how he lived, never a worry or a hold, except for this, this being the biggest thing, the importance not being lost. Even Byeongkwan’s career he met with resilience and an understanding that things came and went.  _

 

_ He wasn’t like this with Sehyoon, Sehyoon knew how much Byeongkwan treasured him because he saw the look in his eyes. It was the same look he gave Byeongkwan, could pick out that look blind, could feel it on his skin, burning a hole to his heart, starting it over and over again.  _

 

_ Sehyoon wanted to comfort Byeongkwan but knew that his touch at this moment could trigger Byeongkwan into losing what he wanted to say, he knew that when Byeongkwan touched him his mind blanked. It was hard to talk to someone when their meer touch caused you to feel every nerve in your system.  _

 

_ He looked at Byeongkwan from under his lashes. Byeongkwan was looking down at the floor, slightly rocking back and forth, his hands clenching the ends of the bed. He felt Sehyoon’s eyes on him and looked up,  _

 

_ Sehyoon smiled softly at him, “Kwannie, whatever it is, I’m right here. You know no matter what you need to say I will always stay.”  _

 

_ Byeongkwan looked on the verge of tears, this was so hard for him, it was frustrating for both of them, Byeongkwan not being able to form the words. It wasn’t a chore for him to speak his mind like Sehyoon, but God this was important and he needed to gather every thought.  _

 

_ Byeongkwan knew he wasn’t going to confess tonight in so many words, knew that this wouldn’t end with them in each other’s arms, kissing the night away, but he knew this would be the step. He knew after this, there would be one more step and he needed to take both, Sehyoon was allowing him this, knew he was the one who wanted to do this.  _

 

_ Finally, he gathered up his courage and really looked Sehyoon in the eye, saw them smiling at him, giving him all the encouragement and comfort he could ever need. Sehyoon didn’t need words, Byeongkwan just knew. The trouble wasn’t admitting it, it was hurtling past all the bullshit they would have to deal with. Byeongkwan needed some answers before he dived.  _

 

_ Byeongkwan stood up, needing to have the higher ground. Sehyoon knew this and stayed seated. He paced for a second, spinning a couple slow circles and ending facing the door, back to Sehyoon. He couldn’t see, but he heard a soft chuckle from Sehyoon, the both of them looking down and smiling at the absurdity of the situation, of this outgoing boy who could talk to a wall getting shy.  _

 

_ To Sehyoon, it was cute. It was another side of Byeongkwan he loved without restriction. To Byeongkwan, it was annoying, but he liked annoying so it didn’t bother him too much.  _

 

_ He played with his fingers as he opened his mouth, the words not floating out first try, swallowing and finally being able to voice what he’d been thinking for so long.  _

 

_ “What do we do, as idols, when we can’t have what we want?” Byeongkwan shook his head like those weren’t the words he wanted to use and spoke again, Sehyoon staying silent, a supportive presence behind him. “No, not what we want. What do we do when we aren’t  _ allowed _ , because it’s not acceptable, what we need to survive?” Byeongkwan turned slowly towards Sehyoon after he had let it out.  _

 

_ He looked up at Sehyoon, who was looking at him with his head cocked to the side, thinking with pursed lips, truly taking into account what Byeongkwan was saying. Byeongkwan kept talking not being able to stop now that he found his voice.  _

 

_ “We want to be in relationships, we want to fall in love and show that love, but we can’t because who we love isn’t accepted.” Byeongkwan ran his hands through his hair, clear frustration on his face.   _

 

_ “We can’t even come out for fear that everything we have worked for will crumble to pieces and we will lose everything. We can’t be close to anyone, especially, the person we want because it is basically a death. What if I was in love but I can’t be with them? What do I do?” Byeongkwan huffed after he finished.  _

 

_ Sehyoon leaned forward, elbows on knees, not looking away from Byeongkwan and decided on giving him the truth, what he knew it to be. “We either have to move on from them or take the risk. Is it worth the risk?” Sehyoon knew the answer in his bones, but he needed to hear from Byeongkwan, because if he said no then Sehyoon needed to know.  _

 

_ “Is love worth the risk, Sehyoon?” Byeongkwan looked shocked. “It’s worth every risk, worth every part of every dream I’ve had. Being in love, it doesn’t solve everything but if I was with this person, the one that makes me think about everything I’ve said, everything else would fade, the struggle wouldn’t matter.”  _

 

_ As Byeongkwan said this he walked closer to Sehyoon, he looked more confident, his strides long, slow but with a destination in mind. The destination was right in front of Sehyoon. This wasn’t an if conversation, this wasn’t a “the person i’m talking about isn’t in this room right now” talk.  _

 

_ It was clear, but neither would say it yet.  _

 

_ Stupid boys, falling in love, knowing how everyone would react. The world told them to be close, told them to love each other and look like they couldn’t be without each other. Stupid world and stupid public telling them to do all these things and then giving them the  _

_ guillotine when they unconsciously fell.   _

 

_ Stupid writing on the walls telling them that they were to fall in love, but not really, not like that. Wear this and look like this, but no that’s too much, too feminine, too androgynous. They tripped up and trusted each other, saying we won’t fall in love, we can be everything they want to see but it won’t be reality. Fucking, stupid, stupid, world.  _

 

_ It had made them both laugh, with the others as company, how they were to be seen as reachable and attainable and single but also in love with their members and whatever doll the citizens needed them to be.  _

 

_ There was too much to think about, there was too much wrong with how people saw them, but Byeongkwan and Sehyoon had stopped caring and started moving toward each other. Others not on their mind, just knowing that eventually they would gravitate to the other’s spinning galaxy.  _

 

_ That was why Byeongkwan went in knowing this was the set up before the shot, or the rehearsal before the performance. They both knew it wasn’t time; they both had a feeling, they needed more time, they needed this talk before the fall.  _

 

_ Sehyoon kept the flow of the conversation, the hypothetical yet not atmosphere. “What about this person? Do they feel the same way as you do? ‘Cause if they do, then you should take the risk.” He looked up at Byeongkwan the whole time, never straying, captivated by the pure look of love in his golden eyes.  _

 

_ Byeongkwan finally sat back down next to him, their shoulders touching, feeling the pressure of each other “How do I even know if they feel the same way? I’m almost positive, but I can’t risk ruining our relationship.” Byeongkwan looked like he was about 99% sure Sehyoon was in love with him, but he had his doubts. They all did.  _

 

_ Sehyoon wanted to make sure Byeongkwan never doubted his feelings again “They do. I know they do because how could they not? Kwan, you are such a stunning person. There is no one on this Earth that would take your love for granted,” Sehyoon confessed.  _

 

_ “This person, he means everything to me. His hand for my career, his love for my life, I would give up a galaxy for him.” Byeongkwan could feel himself tearing up. They both knew now, how the other felt, it was just a matter of time. “I’m thinking I should go for it or maybe they could themselves but I know they like when I take the lead.” _

 

_ Byeongkwan smirked and bumped shoulders with Sehyoon. It was so obvious, neither was feeling anything but sure. “Ya? Well, then what are you waiting for?” Sehyoon said softly as he grabbed Byeongkwan’s hand and intertwined their fingers.  _

 

_ Byeongkwan smiled at him, his soft, real smile and brought his free hand to brush away the bangs falling into Sehyoon’s eyes. As he brushed them back and tucked them behind his ear he leaned in slowly and spoke like the wind. “The right moment, i’m waiting for the perfect moment. I want it to be special, as special as the person i’m confessing to, it’s only fair.” _

 

_ Sehyoon lowered his head, Byeongkwan’s hand slipping to his neck. Sehyoon wrapped his arms around Byeongkwan’s waist as both his arms came up to wrap around the older boy’s neck. They hugged tightly on the bed, neither wanting to let go.  _

 

_ Sehyoon leaned back and turned his head to kiss Byeongkwan on the temple, hearing a sigh from the younger. “They’ll be waiting, very patiently, and very in love with you.” Sehyoon pushed his head into Byeongkwan’s neck and breathed, the boy’s scent bringing comfort to him. _

 

_ He could feel Byeongkwan shaking, could feel the tears on his shoulder. He pulled him in tighter, knowing that they had just moved forward. It was like stepping stones and they were one away from the garden, the shore, hoping that they didn’t misstep and splash into the water.  _

 

_ Sehyoon knew even if they did it wouldn’t matter, he’d crawl out of the fucking Arctic Ocean to get to Byeongkwan, frozen and dying, he’d make it. The man in his arms was a firelight, was the thawing of winter into spring. One of the reasons Sehyoon loved winter was what it would bring, bright colors sprouting out of the crisp snow, ready to start again.  _

 

_ That was Byeongkwan, he was holding spring buds in his arms, living things that fought through the cold and survived it, not only survived it but thrived in it. This was precious but the strength held in Byeongkwan was unrivaled, no one could break him, Sehyoon hoped this wouldn’t.  _

 

_ He would make sure Byeongkwan got everything he dreamed of, even if it meant he had to wade through the silent winter and bitter cold. He liked it anyway, he felt one with its darkness.  _

 

_ Byeongkwan settled down after a few minutes, sighing into Sehyoon’s arms, cheeks and eyes puffy and red. He pulled back to look at Sehyoon, rubbing his eyes with an apologetic smile. Sehyoon helped him rub away the tears, his thumbs soft and light under his eyes. “I… I’m sorry...” Byeongkwan started before Sehyoon shh’d him.  _

 

_ “It’s no matter, I’ve always got you, remember?” Sehyoon said as he bent his head down to look in Byeongkwan’s eyes, seeing him nod his head.  _

 

_ Byeongkwan grabbed Sehyoon’s wrist, which were still cupping his cheeks. He leaned to the right to his left hand, kissing the side of his palm, risking the intimacy. They hadn’t truly confessed, but it was enough for now, not that they hadn’t done similar things before.  _

 

_ Touch was like breathing for them, it came so naturally, people around them sometimes thought they played up their tactile nature. They never did, it was never a thought in their head, to intertwine their fingers, place heads on shoulders, arms around waists, pushing slightly on spines and between shoulder blades.  _

 

_ They held their intimacy confidently, it didn’t bother them. They shared hand kisses, cheek kisses, forehead bumps, grazes of hands in not so friendly places, causing shivers. Byeongkwan was a tactile being; it being in his blood. Sehyoon wasn’t normally, but with Byeongkwan he let him do whatever he wanted, enjoying the other boys hands on him.  _

 

_ At first, at the beginning of their relationship, Byeongkwan did all the touching, but eventually Sehyoon gathered up the confidence to do it back. It became a need between the two of them, comforting when the world was falling apart or nervousness struck like a sledgehammer.  _

 

_ A simple touch of hands brought them back, able to get outside of their heads and to really evaluate their situations. It was funny how their touch also caused the other to lose their train of thought and to only be alive to feel that point of contact.  _

 

_ Their need to be in contact at all times was scary for two boys that didn’t know how to handle the feelings they were thrown, knowing they couldn’t act upon them, trying to pretend just friends did these things.  _

 

_ They stayed on the bed, even after Byeongkwan had stopped crying, still hugging, for longer than was appropriate for friends. But they weren’t friends and they knew it, so holding on for the time they wanted would never be seen as wrong to them.  _

 

_ Byeongkwan felt Sehyoon start to loosen his arms, knowing that Sehyoon was going to try to get him to eat or sleep. He was always there to take care of him, sometimes it made Byeongkwan feel like too much of a “baby boy” but he also enjoyed being pampered by the older man.  _

 

_ “Do you want to sleep? Or do you want to get some food, I could make something or..” Sehyoon rambled on, starting to get up from the bed.  _

 

_ Byeongkwan huffed a laugh and pulled Sehyoon back down, Sehyoon now reverting back to his awkward, adorable self. “Can we just lay here for a while, maybe listen to some music? I’m not that tired but I could close my eyes for some time.”  _

 

_ He was right, Sehyoon just wanted to make sure that he was alright, everything they had said, would soon be creating a big change and Sehyoon needed to make sure Byeongkwan was in a good headspace. Byeongkwan fell in love with him more, didn’t know it was possible.  _

 

_ Sehyoon smiled at Byeongkwan and went to lay down on the bed, pulling back the covers, already in sleep clothes. He would be here with Byeongkwan, if he wanted to lay down and relax then that was what they would do.  _

 

_ Byeongkwan stayed at the end of the bed for a minute, just staring at Sehyoon, their eyes speaking for them. Saying thank you, and I love you and one day i’ll say it out loud, but for now this is enough.  _

 

_ Sometimes it scared Byeongkwan how well he could read Sehyoon but it was also one of the things he loved most about their relationship. He would worry about if Sehyoon loved him, being unsure over and over, but then he would just look over to him, catching his eyes and know.  _

 

_ They weren’t normal, they knew that, most people didn’t hypothetically confess, even after all the evidence was there, to then not actually do anything about it, to go and sleep in each other’s beds. Byeongkwan let out a small laugh at his thoughts. They were absurd, I love you was on the tip of his tongue, but he knew he needed to wait. A better time would come, it would be soon, he knew.  _

 

_ Sehyoon saw his laugh, saw his chest rise and fall with it and his eyes sparkle “What’s so funny?” He was smirking, trying hard not to laugh along.  _

 

_ “Nothing, just… can you hold me?” Byeongkwan almost choked on the words, the way they sounded. Sehyoon looked off to the side, Byeongkwan could see his cheeks turning pink, being shy with each other was rare but it happened in moments like these.  _

 

_ Sehyoon recovered, turning back to look at Byeongkwan, his eyes a little darker than the moment asked for, Byeongkwan wasn’t sure what the look meant, but knew it hit him deep. Sehyoon was looking at him like he could read every part of him, it didn’t scare Byeongkwan just made him more willing to curl up on Sehyoon’s chest.  _

 

_ Sehyoon tapped a hand on his chest, right over his heart and Byeongkwan smirked, trying to cover up the skipping of his heart. He got up and crawled across the bed, laying down with his head where Sehyoon’s hand had just been. He placed his arm across Sehyoon’s waist, Sehyoon bringing one arm around to his shoulder and wrapping his hand around Byeongkwan’s forearm on his waist.  _

 

_ They squeezed each other, this being very familiar, but so different seeing as what they had just talked about. Byeongkwan felt light and brought up one leg to push it between Sehyoon’s, crossing their thighs and locking their ankles together.  _

 

_ “Thank you, Yoonie.” Byeongkwan sighed into his chest.  _

 

_ “For what? All I did was talk.”  _

 

_ Sehyoon knew what he was thanking him for, but loved to hear his voice, feel the vibrations against his stomach. “For literally everything, but especially for letting me be the person you do talk to, feel comfortable with. Thank you for being you, for always being here.”  _

 

_ Byeongkwan closed his eyes, not wanting to cry again, Sehyoon was honestly on the verge too. “I will always hold you exactly where you deserve to be.” Sehyoon said as he brushed a hand through Byeongkwan’s hair. Byeongkwan buried his face into Sehyoon’s chest as Sehyoon brought his free hand up and sneaked it between his stomach and Byeongkwan’s arm.  _

 

_ Byeongkwan felt Sehyoon’s hand settle over his heart “Right here,” he said as he then moved the hand to his own heart, tapping two fingers over it, signaling where he kept Byeongkwan, the only place that fit what Byeongkwan deserved.  _

 

_ They both stopped talking after Sehyoon said that, it being enough for the night. They fell asleep in each other’s arms, their members finding them for dinner, but leaving them be. They had curled even closer in their sleep, both clinging as if the other could have been washed away.  _

 

_ ____________________________________________________________________________ _

 

Sehyoon was brought out of the memory by ice cold drops lightly falling on his face, it was starting to snow, his eyes were closed looking up but he knew that feeling. The feeling of biting snowflakes on your skin, but the smell of clean air surrounding you, a juxtaposition of feelings. 

 

Finally, Sehyoon opened his eyes, looking up into the night sky, the snowflakes really did look like tiny stars being created every second, everything was glittering bright light. He thought how beautiful this world could be, how cruel it could be to make something so extraordinary and stunning, like snow, able to freeze someone to death. 

 

He closed his eyes again, spreading out his arms. He was bundled up enough to not really feel the cold too much, but it still made him shiver. The quiet keeping him inside his head, thinking about his conversation with Byeongkwan still, wondering when the younger man would finally step on the last stone to the edge of the garden, pond, whatever the metaphor was. 

 

He hoped it was soon, because if Sehyoon was being honest, he was starting to crack from all the unresolved tension and he really needed Byeongkwan to make his move. He didn’t want to pressure Byeongkwan, and wouldn’t, but timing was key and Sehyoon was scared they’d run out of it eventually. 

 

He sighed, bringing his arms back down to his side and going to put his hands in his pockets, as he started to reach into them he felt another hand reach down to take his hand, sliding into the pocket as well. 

 

Sehyoon hadn’t heard Byeongkwan walk up to him from the back door, too engrossed in his own thoughts to hear the crunch of snow and ice under his boots. He opened his eyes and didn’t look over at first, just basking in the warmth of Byeongkwan’s hand in his pocket and his breathing by his ear. 

 

Sehyoon took a minute to really feel him by his side, leaning into him, bumping their shoulders and finally turning his head to look Byeongkwan in the eye. Byeongkwan, though, was staring off into the dark of their tiny backyard, deep in thought as far as Sehyoon could tell. 

 

After a couple minutes, the silence not bothering Sehyoon, Byeongkwan finally tour his eyes away from the black of the night and looked at Sehyoon, he smiled shyly, turning his eyes to the ground, cheeks turning pink; he’d blame it on the cold when asked. 

 

“It’s fucking cold, Yoonie. When it started snowing I thought you’d come inside, but you just stayed outside and looked like you were in a trance,” Byeongkwan said this as he looked back out into the yard again. “I saw you through the window and felt bad that I was bundled up in those fuzzy blankets with hot cocoa and you were standing out here buried in your thoughts.”

 

Sehyoon squeezed the hand that was in his pocket, “I just needed to think for a while, out of the hot air and the other 3 playing around in the kitchen.” Sehyoon kept his body leaning into Byeongkwan, the younger boy pushing back into him, keeping each other standing in the cold. 

 

“What did you need to think about? Something important or…” Byeongkwan said this under his breath, barely enough for Sehyoon hear. 

 

Sehyoon nodded his head. “Thinking ‘bout going home… How much I’ll miss you. You and the others.” Sehyoon added the latter part in, feeling like he needed to for some reason. 

 

Byeongkwan laughed softly, the wind carrying it away, “I’ll miss you too, you and the others obviously. It’s going to be hard being away from all of you. I’ll miss Junhee singing in the shower, Yuchan’s smile, Donghun parenting us to death.” Byeongkwan shook his head fondly. 

 

Sehyoon looked down at the ground. “What about me? What will you miss about me?” Sehyoon questioned, almost scared for the answer. 

Byeongkwan looked him in the eye, cheeks red from the cold and other things, hand tightening on Sehyoon’s in his jacket. “The better question would be what I won’t miss” Byeongkwan didn’t look away as he said it. “I’ll miss the way you keep me warm at night, especially when there are storms. How you don’t baby me like the others but still keep me safe. I’ll miss your conversation even when we just sit in silence together. I’ll miss the way you’re looking at me right now the most, when I can tell your trying hard not to show how you feel about me but failing miserably.” 

 

Sehyoon let out a stuttering breath. He sometimes tried to hide his love for Byeongkwan, but when he looked at him he couldn’t there was no way to; he could see right through him. 

 

Byeongkwan looked away, his breath clouding out around him, “God, this night really is beautiful isn’t it? The stars blending with the snow.”

 

Sehyoon kept looking at Byeongkwan, leaning towards him, taking a risk and leaning his forehead against Byeongkwan’s temple and whispering in his ear, “Truly beautiful.” 

 

Byeongkwan pulled back, having to look up to catch Sehyoon’s eyes because he was so close. They could feel each other’s breath on their cheeks. Sehyoon felt like the night was changing, could feel everything besides Byeongkwan wash away. 

 

Byeongkwan sighed. “You mean the night is beautiful, right?” He said this, unsure of what he wanted the answer to be. 

 

Sehyoon shook his head. “No, I don’t mean the night, Kwan.” 

 

Byeongkwan stuttered a breath and pulled out the hand he had in Sehyoon’s pocket, bringing both of his arms up to place on Sehyoon’s shoulders, Sehyoon bringing his hands to Byeongkwan’s hips. Byeongkwan thought about how he had said he wanted the moment to be perfect, that the person he was in love with deserved a perfect night. This was that night. The cold made their warmth that more inviting, the layer of snow sparkled like diamonds on the ground, the twinkling of lights from their dorm they had strung up catching the night sky, reflecting tiny rainbows of light. 

 

It truly was stunning. Byeongkwan couldn’t help but think that the view in front of him was even more stunning though, this man that he was so in love with he felt as if he’d be empty without the feeling. 

 

He wanted to kiss him, hold him even closer, melt into him, like the snow would into the pavement once the sun rose in the morning. He couldn’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else then he was right now, this moment becoming a stop in time that Byeongkwan would want to turn back the clock to forever. 

 

They are so close, still staring into each other’s eyes, having moved even closer, no part of their bodies untouched, waiting for the moment to happen. Byeongkwan couldn’t hold back any longer, he knew Sehyoon was waiting on him, but he had just one more question. 

 

“What were you really thinking about…? I can feel you still trying to come up with something you want to say.” Byeongkwan said this so close to Sehyoon that he felt the softness of it would get swept away and Sehyoon wouldn’t hear. 

 

Sehyoon swallowed. “Kwan I… it’s nothing.” 

 

Byeongkwan tilted his head and put on a serious face. “No, tell me, please.” 

 

Sehyoon looked down for a second and then back into his eyes. “I can’t.. I’m waiting…” he stopped for a second and gathered up everything he had. “...You...  know what I’m thinking about.”

 

Byeongkwan opened his mouth, closed it, half shocked at Sehyoon’s accusation and half relieved because it confirmed that this was the moment, he just had to get there. Sehyoon was waiting on him, he couldn’t keep this beautiful man waiting any longer. 

 

Byeongkwan pushed his hands to wrap around Sehyoon’s neck all the way, Sehyoon’s wrapping Byeongkwan up completely. They were an inch apart, their lips almost touching. “It’s stupidly beautiful outside… I feel like I’m in a snowglobe and it’s finally perfect, perfect enough for this.” 

 

Byeongkwan looked into Sehyoon’s eyes one more time and then leaned in the rest of the way, their lips meeting in the most tender kiss either had experienced. It was so soft, Byeongkwan felt like he was air. 

 

They both pulled away not long after, not moving far at all, Sehyoon bringing one hand up to brush through Byeongkwan’s hair. Sehyoon felt like everything magical in the world had come together to put the boy in front of him in his life. Something in the universe had intervened to give him this person. He couldn’t believe he was in his arms, kissing him so lightly. It was a dream, Byeongkwan was a dream. 

 

“Byeongkwan... are you sure?” Sehyoon said against Byeongkwan’s lips. He didn’t want to kiss him again without confirmation that this was exactly what he wanted. Byeongkwan nodded enthusiastically, the hair on his forehead brushing Sehyoon’s, pushing himself up on his tiptoes to make sure they were lined up perfectly. 

 

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. You are the one thing I never doubted,” Byeongkwan sighed into Sehyoon’s mouth, Sehyoon kissing him again the second he got all the words out. This kiss was still tender, but it wasn’t as soft. They took their time, kissing closed mouth, just basking in the feel of each other. 

 

Sehyoon’s hands roaming up Byeongkwan’s back and around his waist, Byeongkwan pushed his hands down to in between Sehyoon’s shoulder blades. They were so close the cold couldn’t be felt anymore, they were warm enough wrapped up in each other to stay out for hours, at least that’s how it felt to them. 

 

Eventually Byeongkwan started to get needy and wanting more, he swiped his tongue against Sehyoon’s bottom lip and when Sehyoon let out a moan, took the opportunity to push his tongue into Sehyoon’s mouth. He sighed as he was willingly let in, they somehow pulled each other closer into their embrace. 

 

Byeongkwan explored Sehyoon’s mouth as the older boy let him take the lead, his hot mouth feeling incredible to Byeongkwan. He couldn’t get over how incredible kissing him was. Nothing had ever felt like this, it felt like heaven and he would die from the cold before he let Sehyoon out of his arms. 

 

He bit Sehyoon’s bottom lip to hear him moan again, (he did) and it made goosebumps crawl over Byeongkwan’s skin. Sehyoon, taking some initiative, licked into Byeongkwan’s mouth, causing him to be the one to moan this time. He felt his knees get weak, Sehyoon tightening his hold around his waist. 

 

He didn’t want to pull away, but he needed the air, it was suffocating in the best way possible. He pulled away and Sehyoon immediately attached his lips to Byeongkwan’s neck, not doing anything other than leaving small butterfly kisses. They felt like the snowflakes falling all over, except they were warm, they caused the exact same flush on his skin though. 

 

Finally, Sehyoon pulled back and pushed his forehead softly against Byeongkwan’s and for a minute they just breathed in each other’s air, their breath coming out in front of them, the only reason they still knew it was cold. Their little snowglobe, their embrace, was warmth incarnate, too magical to feel anything icy. 

 

Sehyoon brushed a hand up Byeongkwan’s arm and sighed. “Kwan… I…” He was at a loss for words; he knew what he wanted to say, but he was blown away by what just happened, completely speechless. 

 

Byeongkwan shook his head against Sehyoon’s. “You don’t have to…” he tried but Sehyoon interrupted him, placing his hand on Byeongkwan’s cheek, the younger leaning into the touch 

 

“I love you, I’m so in love with you. Which obviously, you know, I hope, but I still thought I should say it, because you deserve to hear it,” Sehyoon rambled as Byeongkwan’s eyes lit up and once Sehyoon had let out a breath Byeongkwan grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him hard, not wasting any time like the first two kisses, Sehyoon immediately opening up to him. 

 

Sehyoon leaned forward, causing Byeongkwan to lean back in his arms. They were crushed against each other and Byeongkwan squeezed his eyes shut, the tears threatening to leak out, holding Sehyoon’s face like he was the most magnificent thing he had ever touched. 

 

Byeongkwan pulled away, breathing hard, looking at Sehyoon, his eyes roaming all over his face. Sehyoon was flushed and beautiful, his cheeks red under Byeongkwan’s hands, his eyes seemed to scream happiness and Byeongkwan let a few tears slip. 

 

Byeongkwan was about to respond to Sehyoon’s confession when he heard soft music coming from the back door of their dorm, he could hear the other three in the kitchen singing along, quite badly he might say, even for idols of their talent. 

 

He laughed as he realized the song, shaking his head.  _ I will always love you _ but the Dolly Parton version. There wasn’t a reason for it to be playing, other than every boy that lived in that house was a hopeless romantic and the universe seemed to want to grant them glittering moments.

 

Byeongkwan laughed and looked back at Sehyoon, who was staring at him with all the love in the world. “You are everything to me, Kim Sehyoon, I love you so much,” he breathed out and felt himself relax, every muscle in his body letting go. He felt light and was glad Sehyoon was holding onto him. Sehyoon did his best to wipe away the tears tracking down Byeongkwan’s cheeks. “These are happy tears, right? This should not make you sad.”

 

Byeongkwan nodded enthusiastically, “The happiest. I couldn’t produce happier tears if I tried.”

 

Sehyoon laughed and pulled Byeongkwan into a hug, his arms once again wrapping all the way around Byeongkwan, engulfing him in his warmth. Byeongkwan wrapped his arms all the way around Sehyoon’s neck, holding onto his own forearms to secure the embrace. He was on his tip toes but Sehyoon was taking most of his weight. The soft music was still playing and they could hear the other three laughing throughout the house, the lights twinkling behind their eyelids. They had both closed their eyes and started to sway to the music, holding onto each other. 

 

They weren’t dancing, but anyone that saw them would say it seemed like that first dance at a wedding almost, were the partners would just sway as they basked in the love around them. Wishing the moment could last forever. 

 

They just moved together, softly, never wanting the moment to end. Sehyoon thought about how Byeongkwan had wanted the moment to be perfect. He leaned back to whisper into Byeongkwan’s ear, “We can do this, right…? We can’t be out. We have… We have to hide it from everyone but the others.”

 

Byeongkwan looked into Sehyoon’s eyes and said with confidence “We can do it… I promise I won’t give up on you, if you promise me too.”

 

Sehyoon shook his head, absolute. “I told you that night. I’ve always got you. Never forget that.” Sehyoon would never give up on Byeongkwan, it wasn’t possible. “Remember I said that I knew the person you loved, loved you back, because how could they not?” Byeongkwan nodded, remembering the feeling he had when Sehyoon had said that, the confidence that had surged through him. “There is no one on this Earth that would take your love for granted,” Sehyoon quoted himself. “Your love is worth every piece of myself, I will never give you up, so don’t count on it, baby.” He smirked as he said it, wanting to see Byeongkwan’s smile. It worked and he lit up like the Christmas tree they had in their living room. 

 

They pulled away from the hug only to wrap an arm around waist and shoulders to return to watching the snow. Byeongkwan cuddled up to Sehyoon, his arm around his waist, squeezing tightly, pushing the top of his head into Sehyoon’s neck. Sehyoon’s arms around his shoulder, squeezing him even closer, laying his head on top of Sehyoon’s. 

 

They watched the snow and softly whispered, “I love you’s” into each other’s ears and mouths as they pecked each other on the lips from time to time, basking in the fact that they could. 

 

“So does this mean that we are boyfriends?” Sehyoon asked, albeit awkwardly.

 

Byeongkwan laughed, his small form shaking and he looked at Sehyoon with a huge smile. “You’re a fucking nerd, you know that right? Of course we’re boyfriends you idiot, what did you think?” 

 

Sehyoon laughed and shrugged, avoiding his gaze. “I was just making sure.”

 

“What, you thought I’d kiss you, confess my love, and then say I just wanted a casual relationship?” Byeongkwan said in a tone that Sehyoon could tell was making fun of him. Sehyoon dug his fingers into the side of Byeongkwan’s stomach, tickling him. He squirmed away, letting out a screech “Sehyoon, please no! I’m sorry. Yes, we’re boyfriends and you’re not an idiot.”

 

Sehyoon kept tickling him, pulling him closer to him and then finally with his arms wrapped around Byeongkwan, so he was trapped, let up on him and granted him mercy. Byeongkwan was breathing hard, a smile stuck on his face. “You’re annoying, you know that, right?” he said, not even fighting the hold Sehyoon had on him, enjoying the body of the older man, soft. 

 

Sehyoon pushed his forehead into Byeongkwan’s hair and kissed him on the temple. “I was just being polite and asking, you shit. Can’t I be considerate?” 

 

Byeongkwan laughed. “Of course you can, you giant romantic sop.” Sehyoon dug his fingers in, going to tickle Byeongkwan again. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” he surrendered. 

 

Sehyoon loosened his arms and let Byeongkwan turn around, Byeongkwan deciding to push his back against Sehyoon’s chest and have him wrap his arms around his stomach, Byeongkwan placing his hands on Sehyoon’s forearms. 

 

Byeongkwan’s leaned his head back on Sehyoon’s collar bones and Sehyoon placed his cheek on Byeongkwan’s head. They sighed as they relaxed into each other. They enjoyed the moment for a minute until they heard the back door open and one of the boys’ boots crunch against the snow. 

 

They both turned to see Donghun trekking over to them and stopping when he saw them turn to look at him. “I see that you two have finally figured everything out but you just had to do it in the most disgusting and romantic way.” Donghun laughed, pointing between them “Two popsicles in love.” 

 

Sehyoon and Byeongkwan both shook their heads, knowing that Donghun was immensely happy for them. They could see it in his eyes. They all just stared at each other smiling until Junhee came to the door and yelled at them to get inside before they caught a cold, ignoring the fact that Sehyoon and Byeongkwan had been outside for an hour already. 

 

They all went inside, Sehyoon and Byeongkwan intertwining their fingers and staying as close as possible, Junhee and Donghun shaking their heads but smiling. They walked inside to hear the music playing in the kitchen, music that caused them all to want to dance and have fun with each other, but they also smelled the dinner that was slaved over. This was their second to last night together before they all went home for the break. They had wanted it to be special and admittedly, Sehyoon and Byeongkwan had gone overboard with their confession.

 

They all sat down at the table with the food, Sehyoon and Byeongkwan thanking the other three for cooking. Junhee smirked at them. “You could have helped, but no, you just had to go and confess your love right before Christmas,” he sighed, breathing “ _ dramatic assholes _ ” under his breath. 

 

Sehyoon and Byeongkwan finally looked over to see Yuchan smiling like a mad man. He was bouncing in his seat, excited over the food as much as he was excited for Sehyoon and Byeongkwan finally confessing to each other. 

 

Donghun looked over at both of them, question in his eyes. “So, is this official? Are we finally over all the tension and pining?” 

Junhee kicked him under the table as Yuchan sighed out a, “Hunnie-hyung”. Donghun just laughed at his boyfriends. 

 

Sehyoon grabbed Byeongkwan’s hand that he had let go to start serving food and nodded his head. “Yes, we’re together. No more pining, we promise.” 

 

Byeongkwan smirked and squeezed Sehyoon’s hand. “I don’t know what to tell you about the tension though,” he said through a giggle. “We only shared three very innocent kisses, so the tension still needs to be released.” 

 

Sehyoon groaned at Byeongkwan’s jokes while Donghun and Junhee laughed at his embarrassment. They all settled down and finally started to eat but they heard a sigh as they dug into their food, looking up to see Yuchan not eating. 

 

Donghun looked worried. “What’s wrong, Channie?” 

 

Yuchan grabbed Donghun’s hand and shook his head, putting a small smile on his face. It reached his eyes, at least. “Nothing, Donghun-hyung, nothing. It’s just… This is really going to be the best Christmas, isn’t it?” 

 

They all smiled at their youngest as Sehyoon brushed his thumb against Byeongkwan’s hand “Yeah, it is. It really is!” He smiled looking over at Byeongkwan, the love pouring out across the table at his family and partner. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 will not be out before Christmas but hopefully before the new year. Please comment and leave kudos!


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